When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
