She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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