...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
