My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
