i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
