Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
