It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
zippers are such a cool invention
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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