You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
