Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
