Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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