You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
