dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
