so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
