oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
