It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
