I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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