but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So much Jack, so little girl.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
