then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
