Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
