six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
