Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
