FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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