I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
