I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize