Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
