feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
