There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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