I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
