Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
