I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
