Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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