Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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