u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
