matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
