I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
