I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
