I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
