Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
