i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
