Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
