So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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