Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
