wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
