You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
