i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
