I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
