so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
