i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
are you so shy because you have an std?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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