we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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