I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
