She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
