How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
