he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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