Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
