i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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