I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
