trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
