Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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