did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
