This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
