Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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