I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
