Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
