if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
