he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
