Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
