Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
