my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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