Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is Oprah even human
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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