He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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