just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
