She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
