I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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